7 Romantic Things You Don't Want to Do with Your Vampire Boyfriend
by DeAmonQuEen
Summary: Read the title. Need I say more?


**A/N: This a story I wrote on a whim for this upcoming Valentine's Day. It's just something to take out the boredom while I'm experiencing writer's block on another fic I am working on. I hope you like it.**

 **(O.O)**

 **7\. Go to the movies**

 _"Bloody hell! Is that for real? Sparkle? A vampire that actually sparkles?! Who in the buggering hell makes these shit?! And you people actually like this?!"_

 _"Keep your voice down. You're gonna get us kicked out."_

 _"I'll be doing the kicking, pet. In fact had I still been evil, I'd have eaten this Stephenie Meyer for making horrible tales of sparkling vampires. Bloody hell, I'd pick Peaches any day than that ponce Edward."_

 _"Excuse me, miss, but if you don't keep your voices down, I'm gonna have to ask you and your boyfriend to leave. You're both disturbing everyone who is watching the movie."_

 _"Alright I try to reign-"_

 _"What's disturbing is how bad of an actress that woman playing that Bella chit is! I mean seriously, her happy, surprise and in pained expressions all look bloody same to me!"_

 _"Can't you just keep your opinions to yourself and just watch the movie?"_

 _"Oh, this ain't a movie! This is rubbish! Why'd you bring me here in the first place?"_

 _"I'm starting to regret that now."_

 _"What did you say?"_

 _"I said shut up and just watch the film! It's not all that bad."_

 _"She's in love with a sparkling vampire. That constitute as a bad thing! At least you had more taste when you fell for, Peaches."_

 _"Leave Angel out of this!"_

 _"Why? I'm just stating facts!"_

 _"Well-"_

 _"I'm sorry miss but I'm gonna have to ask the two of you to leave.."_

 _"Now, look what you've done!"_

 **6\. Eat at a fancy restaurant**

 _"Tell the chef that I want my stake rare... Like really rare. In fact it's so rare that it's still bleeding. That kind of rare..."_

 _"Uhhh-?"_

 _"Don't look at me, he's just disgusting that way."_

 **5\. Play mini golf**

 _"That's it! This place is evil!"_

 _"Aw, that just 'cause you can't get those balls of yours inside those holes."_

 _"Oh, like you're one to talk. You haven't even scored at least once!"_

 _"I'm taking my sweet time before I get in to my game and wipe the floor with you."_

 _"I bet you can't get one ball in to that hole."_

 _"Oooh, I'm gonna take you up on that offer, pet."_

 _ **30 tries later...**_

 _"You're right, this place really is evil!"_

 _"Told you so. But you just wouldn't-uh, is that a grenade?"_

 _"Uh huh."_

 _"Where the hell did you get a grenade? Or more importantly what are you gonna do with that grenade?"_

 _"Ain't it obvious? I'm gonna blow this place up!"_

 _"No, wait-don't!"_

 _ **Boom!**_

 **4\. Go swimming in the beach at night**

 _"Uh, what are you doing?"_

 _"I'm getting ready to swim."_

 _"Oo-kay but you're removing all you're clothes."_

 _"Well, yeah. It's more comfortable that way."_

 _"You can't swim butt naked in the beach. You could catch a cold."_

 _"Vampire, luv. Remember?"_

 _"Well, what if someone sees you? We could get arrested!"_

 _"It's nighttime, who the hell cares? 'S Not like there's anyone there to report us."_

 _"Hey, what are you kids doing over there!"_

 _"Shit! Grab my pants, let's get out of here!"_

 **3\. Enter a horror house**

 _"They seriously find these contraptions scary?"_

 _"Some people do, especially those who've never seen actual monsters."_

 _"Hmmm. Maybe we can remedy that."_

 _"I don't like that smile on your face."_

 _"Oh, but you will like the idea I have on my head."_

 _"I doubt that."_

 _ **A few minutes later.**_

 _"Emily, you really don't have to be scared. These monsters aren't real. They're just machines operated by someone."_

 _"That so, mate?"_

 _"Who the hell are you?"_

 _"A real monster."_

 _ **Shifts to game face and roars at the couple.**_

 _"Ahhhhh!"_ _ **runs away, leaving his girlfriend...**_

 _"Dan, don't leave me!"_ _ **runs to follow her boyfriend...**_

 _"Hahahahaha!"_

 _"I hope you're happy with yourself."_

 _"Too right I am, pet!"_

 _"Let's get out of here before someone calls security."_

 _"Wait, not yet. I think I hear another couple coming."_

 _ **Groans!**_

 **2\. Walk in the park at night**

 _"Hold up and give me your wallet!"_

 _"Are you for real?"_

 _"Shut up, bitch! Give me your earnings too!"_

 _"Oi! No one calls my girl that!"_

 _"If you two don't shut up, I'm gonna shoot you!"_

 _"Really now? I'd like to see you try."_

 _"Honey, don't tempt the man with a gun."_

 _"But luv, I just what to see just how just how far he'd get with that gun of his against me."_

 _"You really won't shut up, do you!"_

 _ **Bang!**_

 _"Ooh, big mistake..."_

 _ **Shifts to game face.**_

 _"What the fuck!"_

 _ **Bang!**_

 _ **Bang!**_

 _ **Bang!**_

 _ **Bang!**_

 _ **Bang!**_

 _ **Thud!**_

 _"Idiot."_ _ **Wipes his bloodied hand with a handkerchief.**_

 _"You know, you could've just disabled him instead of letting him shoot you."_

 _"Ahh, but where's the fun in that?"_

 **1\. Party with some Normal friends**

 _"You're boyfriend is sooo hot."_

 _"Yeah, does he have a brother?"_

 _"Or two brothers?"_

 _"I bet he's a good kisser. Just look at those lips!"_

 _"And those cheek bones are something to die for!"_

 _"I want to have some of that ass!"_

 _"Me, too!"_

 _ **Crash!**_

 _"Oh my god! Are you alright?"_

 _"What happened? You're glass got broken."_

 _"I'm fine. The glass slipped through my fingers."_

 _"Then, you have to be careful, stuff like clumsiness is a major turn off for hot men like that."_

 _"Yeah."_

 _"Although, it wouldn't be such a bad thing. It'd only mean he's gonna be on the market for a new girlfriend."_

 _"Oooh, I'd be available in a flash!"_

 _"Me too!"_

 _"Must not kill, must not kill, must not kill!"_

 _"Are you alright? You look a little red."_

 _"I'm fine. Just dandy..."_

 _"You sure about that, pet?"_

 _ **Gasp!**_

 _"Hey, how are you?"_

 _"Are you enjoying the party?"_

 _"Do you want something?"_

 _"Hello to you too, ladies. Yes, I'm fine thank you, and yes, I am enjoying the party quite alright, and also yes, I do want something..."_

 _"Really? What's that?"_

 _"I want to take my clumsy girlfriend home, to worship her and make love with her there. So if you ladies won't mind..."_

 _ **Carries his girlfriend princess style and walks away.**_

 _"You know, they're gonna talk about us..."_

 _"So? I really don't care what humans say about me. It's not them I'm in love with. All I care about is you, pet."_

 _"That's my vampire!"_

 **(O.O)**

 **Cheesy? Corny? Tell me what you think... Hope, you enjoyed it as, much as I did writing it!**


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